Life · Parenting

Co-Parenting Carousel

When I was 24 I found out I had a kid on the way. Scariest moment of my entire life. I was not ready nor at the time did I want a kid. I have always been a little selfish. I liked things to go my way and on my schedule. But this one was out of my hands. You could say forced on me. I’m not saying I wanted her to have an abortion. Let’s just say the words “If I would have known things would be like this I wouldn’t have done what I did.” were said. It’s fucked up. But my outlook has always been to make the best of something or don’t do it at all. She was going to have him so it was time to make the best of it. The second I held my son I was in love. My whole life changed. He was a blessing. We tried to make it work for my son but it just did not work. We were too different. She is more of the hippy style person and I like structure. She was selfish and I was selfish. And that’s a terrible combo. Plus I am a true believer that a kid is better off with 2 separated happy parents then parents that are together and unhappy.  People disagree but guess what it’s my life and I can believe and live it how I want. Contrary to this world now a day’s people can have their own opinion. Crazy right?

Maybe my outlook came from growing up with 2 separated parents. It wasn’t easy. My parents did not get along. I stressed when it came to situations that I knew they would have to be in the same room and around each other. That happened a lot because I was very active when I was younger. Tons of sports, Choir, School plays, Church plays and musicals. What mattered is they showed up. I was never extremely close with my dad growing up. He wasn’t around as much when I was younger but now that I’m older I understand and I hold no grudge. I am very close to my dad now and he is the parent that I am closer to now. I was a momma’s boy and was super close with my mom. Now not so much. We aren’t as close and I don’t know if we will ever be. But none the less I love them both. But it did make my life hard and I did envy other kids that had the 2 parent household. I never wanted to do this to my own kids. But god laughed at my plans (he has a way of doing that) and took me in a different direction.

When my son was born I wasn’t the best at stepping up and being there. I fucked up and I hate myself for it and I will every day for the rest of my life. I missed a lot. I never wanted to grow up. I liked having my time and doing what I wanted. It was a tough time for his mom and I put a lot on her and I’m sorry that I did that. I think the hardest part is getting back in her good graces. It’s tough because I really don’t like her as a person and some of her parenting views are too hippie for my liking and she is the same way towards me. We try to get along sometimes and avoid each other when it is possible. But we do keep a good face when my son is around which I do believe is important. Co-parenting I think is the hardest thing in the world. Especially when both of the parents see parenting differently. She is the friend parent. Believes in time out and talking things out of why he was wrong. I am this is how things need to be done. If they aren’t, things are taken away and if it continues or is bad enough I will spank my son because spanking teaches respect. I am not his friend. I am his dad and its my job to prepare him for the real world. I love sports because I think a teachable and coachable kid will go farther in the real world. That entitled shit doesn’t work with me. He has chores and does not earn allowance. I think it is my job to get him what he needs and wants and he shows me he deserves them by doing what he is supposed to do at home (chores), in the classroom, and the way he treats other people with respect and kindness (The world is few on people like this now a days). She doesn’t see it that way. She is big on respect and kindness but not as much on the responsibility factor. She babies the shit out of him. I don’t like it and he is getting to the age where he doesn’t either. I think if we would have had a daughter things might have been different. Take recently for example. My son is 8 now and had his heart set on playing football. She was 100% against it due to the fact he could get hurt and thinking it will change him from the and I quote “sweet little boy that he it”…Barf. All of the boys played football in my family. He grew up watching my brother, his uncle playing football at San Diego state. So I knew the time would come and I knew it would be a blow up of an argument. It was. The second it came up she just said no. Didn’t want to have a conversation just that was the way it was. Nothing pisses me off more than that. I know I wasn’t around as much as I should of at first but I was around and have had a great track record since. She loves to bring up the past and make it seem like I don’t have a say with anything. I have my son half time he stays with me I pay for all of the sports because she refuses to help. I get a say so don’t close out a topic and not take my say in it. God it makes me mad. He knows there are risks with football and he could get hurt. But there are risks when playing on the playground, or crossing the street, or hell, walking down the stairs. Just because there is a risk doesn’t mean you don’t do it. Unless he wants to become bubble boy. He wanted to play anyways. He has his heart set on playing QB. I was all for it. It’s like a rite of passage in my family. It toughens you up and shows you that you can push yourself to new levels and helps you become a man. I was on his side and I was going to fight for him and what he wanted. He’s never been big on sticking up for himself which I am trying to change. I knew it would make a difference if he sat his mom down and explained to her why he wanted to play and what it meant to him to play. He did and it worked. But not without countless arguments and conversations about why he should be able to play between me and her. He got the outcome he wanted and is going to play football. I’ve never been more proud of him to fight for what he wants. Of course because she didn’t like it she refused to help with any of the money it took to get him all signed up and ready to go. Over $600 dollars later he is ready to go.

Co-parenting is a struggle. We won’t always agree and see eye to eye but it’s all in his best interest and what it’s going to take for him to grow up happy and become a productive member to society. I don’t know if she and I will ever be friends but at least I know we both love our son and have his best interest at heart.

With that being said I knew dating would be tough. I knew I was a package deal and that I would only take someone who loved my son as if he were their own. I found her and it is a blessing and something I thank god for every single day. Not to say there is still its hardships. Not with my son but with the as people call it the “Baby mama drama”. 100% of our talks when it comes to my son involve his mom. I think that’s the hardest part. It’s basically a combined family. When his mom isn’t helping with sports or pulling her weight and I have to pick up the slack it causes tension. Especially money. It’s not just my money anymore and that makes it tough. I’m getting pulled in multiple directions. Now don’t get me wrong my fiancé has my back and will fight for me. But I’m a person that would rather just pick up the slack rather than argue about it. Maybe I do that because I wasn’t there as much as I should have so I feel the need to take over and over step up. I didn’t grow up with money or able to do what I wanted all of the time so I will make it happen to give him what he wants and needs. He deserves better than I had it. It does cause tension at home. All I can do is work through it and strive to make everyone happy. No matter what.

I love my soon to be wife and I love my son. I am a man and I will provide and work to keep my family happy. It’s hard being pulled in the different directions but I am strong and will fight for the life I want and I will work hard to get it. Nothing will get in my way. Not his mom not anyone. My son and fiancé deserve the best and I will get them there. Life is a marathon not a race and I will learn how to juggle.


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